


I falter where I firmly trod

by Eighthofhearts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Art, Fjord is grateful for his Big Pink Friend, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nature, Spoilers Episode C2E98, Talking, appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23196634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eighthofhearts/pseuds/Eighthofhearts
Summary: 'In the last half year, Fjord had been bloodied, battered, bruised, a whole host of horrible and grotesque things marring his body. But this, this was something new. This was not disfigurement, no, this was something beautiful. It was foreign, scary even, but scary things still held beauty. This alien looking plant revitalized the life that had been taken from him that night. He was forever thankful for it.'
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 91





	I falter where I firmly trod

**Author's Note:**

> I love a good gay pining mixed with internal conflict. Here's my attempt at it, enjoy!

"Caduceus, may I speak with you?"

The firbolg's ears perked up at the sound of the arriving voice, no longer tinged with its once familiar drawl but still warm and welcoming nonetheless. He turned to see Fjord stood in the doorway to his room, the man's eyes not meeting his own. Quietly casting aside the task he had been busying himself with, Caduceus nodded and wordlessly gestured for Fjord to enter. "What can I do for you, Captain?"

Fjord stepped in and sat on the bed beside Caduceus, trying not to feel small next to Caduceus's larger frame. He laughed nervously, the beginnings of small tusks peeking out from the bashful smile he was trying to hide. Caduceus noticed and made note but said nothing. "You've done enough for me," Fjord began, turning a more leveled face up to Caduceus, the hint of a grin still threatening to peek out, "and that's why I'm here, I wanted to properly thank you."

"No thanks is necessary, Mr. Fjord," Caduceus interjected, despite knowing Fjord had more to say. He had to stand his ground now lest the half-orc say something to convince him otherwise. Caduceus was not often easily swayed, but the captain was a persuasive man.

Thankfully, however, he was not a perceptive man, something Caduceus was very grateful for as he felt heat rise to his cheeks and the tips of his ears as Fjord grabbed his hands, pulling them close to his chest. “Do not be modest, my friend. The Wildmother may have imparted you with her gifts as a token of her patronage, but you are the wielder of those gifts and am forever thankful for all that you have then given to me. Not just...” a pause, "the other night, but all that you have done for me in these last few months. This is not a journey I would have ever taken without your guidance." 

Caduceus stared blankly ahead, so keenly aware of every breath he took in that moment. The words flowed beautifully into his ears, but his mind could not begin to process them. In an instant, his attention was diverted as the pair’s clasped hands pulled at the open collar of Fjord’s shirt, a hint of pink standing out against the brilliant verdant tint of his skin.

Without thinking, Caduceus pulled his hand free and touched the collar again, just enough to expose the flash of pink. “Is... is that the lichen?”

A rosy flush made its way to Fjord’s cheeks as he laughed lightly as a jumbled set of thoughts raced through his mind. Finally words formed to his lips, “Yes, yes it is.”

“Your wound is healed, you know,” Caduceus risked pulling at the collar more to get a better look at Fjord’s broad chest, hoping his curiosity could be played off as being purely medical, “you can wash the lichen off, they’ve done their job.”

Fjord looked fondly down at his chest, his own hand grazing past Caduceus’s as he gingerly touched the rosy plant, his touch less fearful than it had been before. Seeing the lichen affixed to his chest for the first time after his revival was a startling experience, to say the least. 

In the last half year, Fjord had been bloodied, battered, bruised, a whole host of horrible and grotesque things marring his body. But this, this was something new. This was not disfigurement, no, this was something beautiful. It was foreign, scary even, but scary things still held beauty, and not just in the sense of vanity. This alien looking plant revitalized the life that had been taken from him that night. It was the most beautiful gift he had ever received. 

“They have certainly done something,” Fjord muttered to himself. His palm pressed flat to his chest, the lichen tickling his hand as he felt the steady beat of his mended heart. He turned hopeful eyes up to Caduceus, words forming in his mind but interrupted by another sight. 

Beside the pair lay an open book, a flash of a colorful drawing having caught Fjord’s eye. He turned his head down to better look, Caduceus turning as well. “What is that?” 

“Oh,” Caduceus smiled as he grabbed the book, closing it gently as he placed it in his lap, “it’s nothing. Just some drawings I had been working on.”

“Drawings? I didn’t know you were an artist, Caduceus.”

The other man let out an chuffed laugh, shaking his head casually, “Artist is a strong word to describe what I do, I’m certainly not at the calibre of someone like Jester. This is just something to ease my mind.”

Fjord scoffed, “You need something to ease your mind? You seem so unflappable.”

Caduceus looked up, meeting Fjord’s bright yellow eyes, softer than they had once been way back when. The look suited him. “I’ve seen a lot in my time, but what happened that night is still fresh in my mind. Even I have my limits...”

A silence fell between the two for a moment, Caduceus’s face falling somewhat grim as dark thoughts began to gather once more. Noticing the glint fading in Caduceus’s large pink eyes, Fjord acted. “Hey," he began in a small voice, "Could I possibly see one of those drawings?” 

The light returned to Caduceus’s eyes as he looked up to Fjord once more, grounded back in the reality that the other man was now safe. “Oh, of course.” He flipped open to the most recent of his sketches, a beautiful wreath of flowers that he had just begun to work on shading. 

Wordlessly, Fjord asked to see the book, which Caduceus responded to in kind. While the art was not realistic by any means, it was beautiful nonetheless, Caduceus’s style complimented the curiosity and beauty of the strange plants he drew. Some may have found the thick lines and boxy interpretation harsh, but Fjord really appreciated his perspective. It was becoming more apparent to him that there was no wrong way to see the beauty of the world around them. “Caduceus, these are gorgeous. You really mustn’t downplay your skills, this is real talent.”

“That is very kind of you to say, Fjord,” Caduceus smiled genially, reveling in the smile and wonder that showed on Fjord’s face, “Take it.” 

“What’s that?”

“Take it,” Caduceus repeated, gently grabbing for the book and carefully tearing the page out, “Take the drawing, think of it as another gift, from both me and Her.”

“I appreciate that,” Fjord smiled warmly, reveling in the warmth of this interaction with his friend. “Truly, it is a beautiful token.”

“Think of it is a momento to remember me by when you’re off being an important captain one day,” Caduceus chuckled, trying not to let the hint of sadness at that thought be shown.

An incredulous look flashed across Fjord face as he looked up from the drawing in his hand, "Nonsense. How could I ever forget a man as magnificent as you?"

“You’re too kind.”

A warmer silence hung in the air between the two now, mellowed by their gentle exchange. However, the silence did not last long as a voice from above hollered for the captain.

“Ah, that’ll be Jester now,” Fjord turned his eye to the door, expecting the tiefling to barge in at any moment, “thank you, again, for everything, Caduceus.”

“It was my pleasure, Fjord, I’m always here if you need me.”

As Fjord stood to leave, he looked down at the drawing once more, “Yeah, you will be.”

///

As dawn breached the horizon on the following morning, Caduceus was surprised to hear a knock at his door as he readied himself for the day. He was usually the first of the group to wake, getting up with the sunrise to make them all breakfast was his usual. The company was not unwelcome, he just hoped it came with good news. Hesitantly opening his door, Caduceus let out a sigh of relief as Fjord's friendly face greeted him. "You're up early."

Fjord laughed nervously, "I didn't really sleep much. Um, may I come in?"

"Of course," Caduceus stepped aside as Fjord entered, "is everything alright?" He could feel a nervous energy wafting off the man, this was not a state he had ever seen him in before, his brow furrowing at the sight.

"No need for alarm, everything is fine. I just wanted to add to my overkill of gratitude yesterday by once again coming by to say thank you, but not for what you think."

Caduceus's expression shifted, taking on a look of confusion that often graced his soft face.

"You helped me yesterday more than you know. Um, I had come to you not only to say thanks, but to ask a question, and you see, I never asked it, and yet you still gave me the answer I was looking for." Fjord paused, reaching into his back pocket and producing a folded piece of paper. He quickly, but carefully, unfurled it, revealing the drawing he had been given the day prior. "This drawing is special, it's not just a work of art, it's an answer I have been looking for."

Fjord placed the drawing aside and moved his hand to his collar, beginning to unbutton his shirt. Caduceus quirked a quizzical eyebrow, joyful panic setting into him as he tried to parse what the other man was doing. As Fjord undid the final button, he pulled away the shirt to reveal a new work of art; starting central at the scar on his chest was a beautiful bloom of flowers in the vague shape of heart, tattooed to the man's skin in a shimmering green ink. The piece fanned out, with gold tendrils of vines and ivy webbing and wrapping around his torso, all in the beautiful style of the drawing Fjord had been given. A large succulent was the central piece of the heart, blooming beautifully with the vibrant green of both the ink and Fjord's skin, its center flecked with a permanent leafy pink that resembled the lichen that had once grown there. 

"I took your art as inspiration for something I had been thinking about for a long time. Everything you have done for me has opened my eyes to a whole new world that I did not know was out there. To me the sea was a harsh mistress to be feared and respected, and while I still believe that to be true, I now also see the beauty in the life She fosters. Some of it may be dark and scary, but it all has a purpose. _I_ have a purpose, and _you_ have helped me find that. I wanted a permanent reminder of that. Thank you, Caduceus, thank you for allowing me see beyond the veil of darkness that once clouded my eyes."

Caduceus was at a loss for words, his eyes slowly making his way through each detail of the work of art that was Fjord's body. He truly did not know what to say. 

Fjord laughed, seeing the look over awe across the other man's face. "Here, a token of my own gratitude for everything you've done for me and more." The man stepped forward and locked his gaze with Caduceus. Placing a gentle hand on his face, Fjord guided Caduceus's head down to his own, their lips meeting in a simple and sweet kiss. "The first of many thanks for all that you've done," Fjord whispered, his finger's tangled in Caduceus's pink locks as their foreheads pressed together.

"This is a thanks that I will always gladly accept," Caduceus managed to mutter out as bliss flooded his mind. Without thinking, Caduceus pressed a hand to Fjord's chest, just as he had done on the ship's deck days before. This time Fjord hissed, his skin still tender from the inking. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

Fjord let out a stunted laugh, trying to breathe through the pain, "It's fine, I'll take it as payback for what I did to Beau when she got her ink." 

"Here, let me fix that," as Caduceus raised his hand once more to heal the reddened skin, but was stopped before he could complete his incantation. 

Fjord gently grasped his raised hand by the wrist, slowly closing the fingers with his other hand as he brought the closed fist to his lips. "These hands have done enough, you've done enough. Now it's time for me repay that debt."

"There's no debt to be repaid," Caduceus half scoffed through a smile.

"Then let me just treat you well," Fjord kissed Caduceus's knuckles once more, "it's what a beautiful man like you deserves." 

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr @lesbeauan


End file.
